Our Infertility Story, Part 3

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**Disclaimer**

This post is intended to tell our infertility story in its very truest form. There are parts of this post that are raw and highly emotional. If you are struggling with infertility, this post may hit home with you a bit more than you imagined. If you need someone to listen, please email me at Kristen@theroadtodomestication.com.

PLEASE READ PART 1 (CLICK HERE) AND PART 2 (CLICK HERE) OF THIS SERIES!

After a year of torturing myself, I finally looked at Jerrod and said, with tears rolling down my face, “I give up. I can’t do this anymore. I  guess we’re just the couple who will never have any kids.”

He wrapped his arms around me and said, “That’s okay, baby. We don’t have to have kids to make me happy. As long as I have you, I’m good. We’re good. I just need you to be okay.”

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{LaBella Mae Photography}

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{Kristin Hope Photography}

Did I mention that my husband is absolutely amazing?!

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Journal Entry:

I’ve been trying to hear God so much through all of this. I have felt nothing other than peaceful silence from Him, and it’s been SO heartbreaking. I can’t ever remember Him being quiet when I so desperately needed to hear His voice. I have cried out more times than I can count, and still nothing. 

On Monday, my period arrived right on time, and at that point J and I made the decision that we needed a break from all this fertility stuff. Last months treatments included Clomid (those horrible hot flashes and the weight gain and the acne) Estradiol (the nausea, stomach pain, pelvic pain, rash, diarrhea, nosebleeds) and the Progesterone injections (emotions emotions emotions). I also got a booster shot in my rear end, and followed an ovulation kit, and the lovely sex schedule. The most grueling month yet and still nothing.

Monday I was mostly sad. It’s not what I wanted. But it was a reality, so on Tuesday, I started doing some major research into Foster Care. J and I had been discussing it for about 2 weeks now, since the representative from Heartland was at our church, but I really dove into it this week.
 
I’ve felt…a quiet sadness. Almost a peace. I’m not sure if you can be sad and peaceful at the same time – that’s why I hesitate to describe what I’ve felt as peace. Maybe more like a quiet and sad resignation. No more sobbing. No more spontaneous tears coming down my cheeks from nowhere. No more anger.
In case I forget, I want to include the specific paragraph that spoke to me…that I felt was a little encouragement I was meant to see:
 
“I share our story because it’s a happy & hopeful one. My prayer is that if you are struggling with trying to conceive a child, you will remain hopeful.  I pray that you will trust God to make a way where there isn’t a way. I pray that you and your partner will remain strong and united in your marriage and be thankful for the road that you are traveling and the lessons learned, even when it’s really hard.  I pray that your heart remains soft. I pray that your burden is never heavier than the laughter you share with friends. I pray that you will become a mom.”
 
My prayer through all of this is that my heart will remain soft. I’ve not wanted it to turn into a bitter regret…I’ve fought to keep from becoming angry and bitter.
 
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We gave up in the Fall of 2015. And by “gave up”, I mean, we scheduled two big trips for 2016 – one to New York and one to Boston. We started looking for some season passes to something fun. We bought a brand new sports car. We threw ourselves back into our work and our volunteering and our “fun being married” and didn’t look back.

And I tried to think of something else to do with the empty room. We already had a guest room and an office. Maybe a craft room? Maybe Jerrod and I needed separate offices? Maybe a den? Or what about a workout room? The possibilities were endless!

CLICK HERE IN CASE YOU MISSED PART 1! OR CLICK HERE IN CASE YOU MISSED PART 2!

Now…if you want to read the beginning of the rest of the story…check out OUR PREGNANCY STORY! (CLICK HERE!)

Due to the amount of comments from all of my wonderful readers, it is not always possible for me to respond to each one. However, I absolutely do read them all, and if you’d like to address something specific, or have a question for me, please don’t hesitate to email me at Kristen@theroadtodomestication.com. I will respond to your email as soon as possible! Thank you for visiting the blog!

3 thoughts on “Our Infertility Story, Part 3

  1. I can’t believe you left me hanging . . . :) I read every single word. You really need to write a book about this! Thank God I know how it ends . . . with a beautiful beginning. I admit I cried. It took me 4 years to get pregnant with my first child. I know that doesn’t seem like a long time to some. I had a severe case of endometriosis and after being on some vile medication for 6 months that stopped my period, made me gain weight like crazy and put acne on a face that had never seen acne before, I stopped when my fertility doctor told me I’d never have a child, and begin to cry out to God. That was many years ago and rest is history. I ended up with a house full of kids! :) This is such a heartbreaking, wonderful story that will help many women facing the same situation.

  2. Sometimes you just need to lay back and relax. My brother and his wife tried for the longest to get pregnant. They finally decided to adopt a couple of children–a girl then a boy–then guess what–they got pregnant and now have one big very happy family!

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