This post is intended to tell our infertility story in its very truest form. There are parts of this post that are raw and highly emotional. If you are struggling with infertility, this post may hit home with you a bit more than you imagined. If you need someone to listen, please email me at Kristen@theroadtodomestication.com.
After a year of torturing myself, I finally looked at Jerrod and said, with tears rolling down my face, “I give up. I can’t do this anymore. I guess we’re just the couple who will never have any kids.”
He wrapped his arms around me and said, “That’s okay, baby. We don’t have to have kids to make me happy. As long as I have you, I’m good. We’re good. I just need you to be okay.”
Did I mention that my husband is absolutely amazing?!
I’ve been trying to hear God so much through all of this. I have felt nothing other than peaceful silence from Him, and it’s been SO heartbreaking. I can’t ever remember Him being quiet when I so desperately needed to hear His voice. I have cried out more times than I can count, and still nothing.
On Monday, my period arrived right on time, and at that point J and I made the decision that we needed a break from all this fertility stuff. Last months treatments included Clomid (those horrible hot flashes and the weight gain and the acne) Estradiol (the nausea, stomach pain, pelvic pain, rash, diarrhea, nosebleeds) and the Progesterone injections (emotions emotions emotions). I also got a booster shot in my rear end, and followed an ovulation kit, and the lovely sex schedule. The most grueling month yet and still nothing.
And then today, I just happened to come across this:
We gave up in the Fall of 2015. And by “gave up”, I mean, we scheduled two big trips for 2016 – one to New York and one to Boston. We started looking for some season passes to something fun. We bought a brand new sports car. We threw ourselves back into our work and our volunteering and our “fun being married” and didn’t look back.
And I tried to think of something else to do with the empty room. We already had a guest room and an office. Maybe a craft room? Maybe Jerrod and I needed separate offices? Maybe a den? Or what about a workout room? The possibilities were endless!
Now…if you want to read the beginning of the rest of the story…check out OUR PREGNANCY STORY! (CLICK HERE!)
Due to the amount of comments from all of my wonderful readers, it is not always possible for me to respond to each one. However, I absolutely do read them all, and if you’d like to address something specific, or have a question for me, please don’t hesitate to email me at Kristen@theroadtodomestication.com. I will respond to your email as soon as possible! Thank you for visiting the blog!